Role Modeling for Working Moms during Women’s History Month
For the entirety of this week, I’ve been looking forward to Friday. Not for the typical reasons of the upcoming weekend. More so for the outfit I had planned for my almost-three-year-old daughter on International Women’s Day. A deep yellow (her favorite color) long-sleeved shirt with an artistic depiction of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Clearly, I have been more excited than she might be.
As a professional mom raising a young daughter, I feel the weight and pressure of my actions, as both a role model for her and for others. Being a working mom (or parent) can seem heavy, as we carry the ambition, responsibility and emotional load of home and work every day. This is my recognition to all of you.
As expected, my working mom journey hasn’t come without its struggles, but when we feel less alone, the weight of “it all” seems less daunting. The first time I heard America Ferrera’s monologue from the Barbie movie was mid-Delta flight as I criss-crossed the country on BG client travel. The audio was terrible and I had to turn on the captions, but I rewatched that monologue at least six times.
“You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.”
Wow, that did and still does feel incredibly personal and validating. Which in turn, inspires me to hold up other moms/parents and let them know that I see you and that you’re doing an amazing job.
Through this early journey of motherhood, I have had to keep three pieces of advice as northstars to ground me when my perfectionism and high achieving nature cause my professional and personal life to be at odds.
Ask for the support you need. In your personal life, this is a great reminder, but this is a suggestion for you to ask for what you need in your professional life too. Often we mistake “remote work” for what is truly the flexibility and autonomy to be a professional who can get the job done. This is clearly dependent on the right organizational culture and if you don’t have that culture that supports you as an entire person, is that the right culture for you?
Quality of time vs. quantity of time. This was one of two pieces of motherhood advice I received from a dear colleague as I wrestled with who I was to become once our daughter was born and I returned from parental leave. This has become a mantra for me as I recognize I am the best mother and professional leader when I am intellectually challenged, I feel a deep sense of accomplishment and I can step away from all of that to be fully present outside of work. This includes setting clear and firm boundaries around weekend and evening work. My intention is to not only be fully present with our family, but also to do the same during my work hours for my colleagues and clients.
Five minutes matter. The second piece of motherhood advice from a different working mom is an action step linked to quality time. The first five minutes after your loved ones wake up, the first five minutes after they get home and the last five minutes before they fall asleep matter. This is a time to reinforce connections and invest in your relationship. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture and a reframe might be, “I get to welcome them home” while blocking your calendar on days where you can slip away for five minutes.
Motherhood and parenting has become a true practice of letting go of perfectionism and leaning into the instinctual need to belong to a tribe of women (mothers or not) and other parents, who are supportive of and lift up every part of you, no matter if it’s professional or personal. Are you a working mom (or parent) who feels the struggles and weight of two identities that are often in conflict? I hold space for you, especially as I write this during Women’s History Month, and I share with you those pieces that I rely on to keep me moving forward, in hopes of letting you know I am part of your tribe and I’m cheering for you. Because if I’m not cheering for other moms and other women, I’m not role modeling the future I want for that almost-three year old wearing the yellow RBG shirt today.
