What I Didn't Know About Success
I thought I was successful. I thought I had mostly good habits. I thought I was running in the right direction.
About five years ago I had a crisis that rocked everything I believed. I was fortunate to be provided an opportunity to engage in coaching with a man that I had never met. To say it changed my life for the better is an understatement.
Perhaps I should start at the beginning...
By most measures, I have lived a successful life. I married my college sweetheart, graduated, and had a career of increasing responsibility and titles for over 40 years. I had achieved all of the typical signs of success. However, I realized, after all these years, that I was living my life for the approval of others. Since a small boy, I learned to discern what was expected of me and I was able to find a way to achieve it and even exceed it. Everything worked just like it should. Until it didn’t.
Suddenly, my belief that “if you do good you will receive good in return” crashed around me. On the other side, I now realize that my thoughts deceived me, but in the midst of that season, I turned my back on everything. I was running, but I didn’t know from what or to what. I was provided an opportunity by Sally Bryant, President & CEO of Bryant Group, to engage in coaching with a man that I had never met, in a program I had never heard of. I thought, “Why not? What do I have to lose?”
My life was about to change.
In the early 2000s, Dave Blanchard, noted author and lifetime learner created the Og Mandino Group, and, over more than eleven years, developed the Habit Finder Coaching program.
The program is administered by more than 60 certified coaches around the world. My coach is Joe Rangel, founder of 2EvolveCoaching and BG Consulting Vice President, working out of the Salt Lake City area. To say that this coaching impacted my life is an understatement. To say it changed my life for the better is also an understatement.
The premise of the program is that your habits of thinking drive your feelings, emotions, behavior, actions, and ultimately the results you are creating in your life. Sounds simple and straightforward, right? You may or may not realize what your habits are, but have you ever tried to change a habit? Eating healthier? Spending less time in front of the TV or on your phone? Starting (and staying with) an exercise program? Not interrupting people? These were easy for me to identify…I have tried them all! Your habits of thinking are likely controlling your life. Are you running toward success or are you sabotaging your success?
Let me share some of my revelations. You may see similarities.
Joe made a comment to me early in our sessions. He said, “I don’t coach jerks.” Actually, it was a little more colorful than that. My immediate thought was, if he only knew what a jerk I have been lately, he would never agree to coach me. He told me later he knew exactly who I have been, but also saw who I could be.
The Habit Finder Coaching program helped me understand that my thinking habits had both helped me become a success and hindered me in understanding that my definition of success was flawed. With Joe’s help, I embraced the core belief that I am a human being…not a human doing. My value is in the person that I am…not the accomplishments I achieved. What freedom!
I learned that my life experiences, both successes and failures, uniquely prepared me to see the world differently and to be equipped to help others. I had walked in their shoes. I learned to be discerning about those opportunities to help, and to ask for permission to share my experiences instead of just assuming people wanted to hear my “pearls of wisdom.”
I began to be really “present” with people and truly hear them and experience what they are going through, instead of waiting for them to pause so I could solve their problems. I became intentional about loving someone for the unique person that they are and understanding the difference between caring for someone rather than just caring about them.
I learned that true success comes from meeting people where they are and being available to assist them. When that became my focus, I was surprised how the world’s definition of success became less important, and yet how much more successful all of my relationships – work, home, everywhere – became. It was an epiphany for me. I am, and will always be, a work in process.
Next month, I will share some insights of other advancement leaders who have participated in the Habit Finder program. In the meantime, I would ask you to consider: what does it mean to be a human being and not a human doing?
